Went camping the other day. One of the guys who was camping with us had quite a Napoleon complex. He was probably 5′ 2″ or 5′ 3″ and was always doing crazy shit. He would climb trees, and run up steep hills, and swim across swift currents in the river. Which was fine by me. It was sort of like being around a large, angry spider monkey. Amusing, yet with the potential for extreme slapstick hilarity. However, what was not fine by me was that he always had to challenge someone, usually me, whenever he attempted these stunts. ”Come on, pussy, I bet I can beat you up that hill… I bet I can climb that tree and you can’t…” and so on. After a couple of days of this I got tired of the monkey-man so after he challenged me with “I bet I can throw this rock over the river and you can’t” I said to him “I bet I can grow taller than five foot five and you can’t.” Then the monkey went off. He turned red and lifted the rock, and aimed it at me. ”What did you say to me?” He asked, in a high pitched voice. Seeing that I angered him more than intended… and having a rock aimed at my head… I said “Look, there’s no need to always challenge everyone. Just chill out some.” He lowered the rock, but he was still red. He said, “Don’t tell me what to do, I’ll do whatever I want.” So I replied, “Well, it’s not going to make you any taller.” The monkey went off again. He shrugged off his backpack and threw the rock down on the ground. He began to pace and hop back and forth and said “OK, lets go, bitch!” Then he said over and over “The bigger they are, the harder they fall! The bigger they are, the harder they fall!” After maybe 5 repetitions of this, I said, “Yeah, I have a saying too. ’The bigger they are, the harder they can punch you in the face.’” The monkey went wild. He pulled off his boy-sized shirt and began to almost hyperventilate. ”Hold me back!” He yelled. ”Hold me back or I’m going to kill him!” He puffed up his chest, but no one held him back. After a few seconds he looked around, spotted his girlfriend and said. “HOLD ME BACK!!” So she slowly walked up and grabbed one of his arms gingerly. His nostrils flared and his whole body was red, as if he were sun-burnt. He stuck his head out at me and said “you’re lucky my girlfriend is here, bitch!” Then he stormed off. I looked around, more confused than anything else, and saw the same expression on everyone else’s faces. I shrugged, and so did everyone else. Oh, except my girlfriend, she was pissed.