Went hiking the other day.  My girlfriend stopped and stared at a bush for like 10 minutes.  About every minute I would ask what the hell were we looking at but she’d glare at me and motion for me to hush every time I did.  Then, a bird flew out of the bush and my girlfriend asked, “Did you see that?”  Yes I fucking saw that, it was a bright blue bird flying out of the bush we’ve been staring at for 10 minutes with nothing else happening around us on a boring ass mountain. “That was great” she said… yes great, cause I’ve never seen a fucking bird before!  ’Oh, its blue and has feathers and can fly.’  A miracle of nature.  Just like the thousands of other miracle birds I see every day.  To me, birds have to be the ultimate waste.  They can fucking FLY, and what do they do with it?  They migrate and they shit on cars.  It almost makes me angry it is such a waste.  I mean, read a comic book or watch a movie: if we could fly we’d save lives and turn back time and shit.  A bird just wonders where they’re going to land to take their next dump.  If birds learn how to move furniture and change babies’ diapers, then I’ll be impressed.