I got out of hiking the other day. My girlfriend wanted to go hiking to this waterfall out in the middle of bum-fucking-nowhere. She tried to convince me that it would be “romantic.” What bullshit. Romance was invented by women to make men do shit for them. It would be more forward to say “if you want to have sex with me, you have to do what I want.” But, women are sly creatures. Though being blunt would be more effective in the short term, it would eventually wear off. Logical sentences like that; we men can handle, but eventually we’ll realize “wait, even when I don’t do everything she wants we still have sex.” And then the woman has lost all the power the phrase once granted her. But “romance” is ambiguous. We can’t wrap our heads around it. And so we are forever enslaved trying to please women in ways we’ll never understand and they are never fully happy with. I see through that crap, though. So, I know that a hike out to a remote location where there is some water falling from a high location to a lower location is nothing more than a waste of time. You know what’s more impressive than a waterfall? Plumbing. I can turn on my tap and see the awe of a waterfall. Every day I take a shower I am bathing in the wonder that is a waterfall. I don’t need to travel hours away to see it. And what’s so great about a waterfall anyway? People are mesmerized by them. I mean, even the name is lackluster… waterfall… you’re watching water that is falling. ”Hey water, you’re being persecuted by gravity and we’re congratulating you.” Romantic my ass.