Went hiking the other day. I saw a grasshopper. My girlfriend was thoroughly amused. She caught it and made me look at it, as if it were worth a shit. She eventually put it down and watched it hop away… in the grass. COME ON! How fucking original, Mr. Grasshopper. Hopping in the grass. ’Oh look, I’m a grasshopper hopping in the grass, perpetuating the stereotype imbued by my name. ’ I mean, why don’t you try thinking outside the box some time. Hop on some other material for a change. Or try a leisurely stroll through the grass. Oh wait, you can’t do that because you’re a stupid fucking insect. I labored up 1,000 feet of rock and dirt so I could see some dumbass bug jumping around. Nature is so stupid. At the top of every mountain should be elephants you can ride, or monkeys that give blowjobs. Not some stupid little creature that hops around adding NOTHING to the advancement of society. Oh, and this little hopper HAS WINGS by the way… because when you have the choice to jump all day or fucking FLY you are of course going to choose not to fly. God, why do I agree to come on these hikes.