Bear With Me

Went hiking the other day.  We visited the information center before starting and the ranger there mentioned some hikers before us had said they’d seen a bear, so we should be careful.  My girlfriend asked what we should do if we came across a bear and the ranger said you should stay as still as possible.  Fuck that.  OK, I’m no bear expert, but I’m pretty sure the worst advice you can ever take when you face a bear is to stand still.  There’s a reason that when we are in stressful conditions we experience “fight or flight” not “fight, flight, or stand fucking still.”   Its funny to me that people who are the biggest nature lovers… like this dickbutt ranger… choose to go against nature’s biggest influence: evolution.  The only reason you and I are standing here is because we had an ancestor somewhere down the line that faced a bear, and said to him/herself “holy shit, I better run” and then ran.  And that instinct got passed down to us.  In contrast, the humans who had the instinct to stand still as a board when being pursued by a ravenous, large, beast are partly the reason for the bears’ existence today by giving them sustenance.


  1. Lol, the last part about helping the bears’ existence by giving them sustenance is hilarious!

  2. Bears are much maligned. On a hike to the Sierras, my closest friend once sneaked up on one that was asleep under a magnificent old-growth redwood and quietly laid down next to it. He actually pulled one the bear’s beautifully formed legs over his neck and peacefully fell asleep, becoming one with nature. When the bear awoke and saw my friend lying blissfully still in his arms, he sighed and did what bears do. My friend was 31.

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About Me

Hi, I hate hiking. But I hike a lot because my girlfriend likes it. This is where I keep a journal of my hiking experiences.

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